Monthly Archives: December 2010
Let me officially go on record by saying this has been:
a) the wettest Woodford ever;
b) the wettest Woodford ever; and
c) the only way I console myself while trudging through the muddiest mud-pits is by convincing myself that I’m fulfilling my childhood fantasy of walking through a world made of melting chocolate.
But even so, it is still…well, Woodford.
I’ve had two beautiful gigs thus far – one on the first night with my gorgeous sister Ang accompanying me on keys for an improvised song devised by an audience suggested title of “Gumboots are better with socks.” Then yesterday was my personal fave event of the whole festival, The Great Debate, where us comedian lot went head to head on the topic: “There’s no business like show business.” My fave moment: Steady Eddie proclaiming the irony of Woodford is that “we’re paying for anarchy.”
My daughter videoed a bit of it too, so will upload that when I’m not otherwise occupied pulling bits of mud out of my ears.
I must admit, the first day I was freaked out by the wet so much that I doubted being capable of embracing the full magic that is this festival. But (thankfully) I was wrong, wrong, wrong.
Personal highlights thus far:
- having my mind twisted as far as the onstage cutlery in the mind-altering nuttiness known as the Space Cowboy. He bends metal, swallows everything in sight and juggles chainsaws on a 3 meter “suicycle.” And smiles pretty much the entire time. Insanity. Then finishes off wishing everybody “a beautiful and freaky life.” Loves it.
- hanging with my daughter all over the countryside, particularly lovely seeing as her very first Woodford she was all of four months old and hanging off the frong of me in a sling. Nowadays she’s trudging militantly throughout the festival streets determined to soak up as much goodness as she can. When I asked her what she loved about Woodford, she didn’t even bat an eyelid: “Because…it’s WOODFORD!”
- being asked for my first autograph and also having a little kid come up and wave to me, beaming: “Hello comedian person!”
Magic is real and at Woodford, I’m pleased to say, that mud or no, it remains rampant.
I remember years ago feeling very down about my career (which at that point was very much focused on being a screenwriter) and the lack of progress I’d made since uni. I very distinctly recall a phone conversation with my sister, in which I dramatically sighed – a move I’ve since perfected – that “I think I just need to accept that this is as good as it gets.”
The very next morning I got a letter from Tropnest, saying I’d been accepted into their screenwriting initiative at Fox Studios.
Well, yesterday I had a serious case of de ja vous.
I had applied to the Ian Potter Cultural Trust, you see, to do some intensive private workshops in musical improv and solo improv with the respectively brilliant Michael Pollock and Gary Austin in LA. The announcement date had come and gone, however, and with no news coming in the mail, I had simply assumed that I was not one of the chosen ones.
Which is all well and good. Just that I’d been feeling – as you know – a bit down on the lack of momentum on the career front this year since the car crash.
Anyhoo, as my application now put me on Ian Potter’s general mailing list, I received from them yesterday the “Merry Christmas News” email. I opened it up, and curious, clicked on the link to see who the recent recipients of the Cultural Trust grants actually were.
It was then that I scrolled through this.
And saw MY NAME.
I think I actually squealed.
1. What was your New Years Resolution and did you keep it?
I can’t even remember so I’m gonna go with “no.”
2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A number of people, most of whom I’ve noticed through facebook. Stop having children, please. They are making me too clucky and we can’t afford another.
3. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandma’s best friend. She was an amazing woman and I’ve known her as long as I can remember.
4. What countries did you visit?
The US of Awesome and New York. I mention them as two separate entities based on the number of New Yorkers who have told me that New York is not America.
5. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
You meant aside from ‘money’ and ‘a nanny’ and ‘a housekeeper’ right? Ummmm. How about my own theatre venue?
6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Launching Gumball Theatre. And digging it tremendously.
7. What was your biggest failure?
Putting all my eggs in one basket (i.e. Melbourne Comedy Festival) and then being left with pretty much nothing career-wise when the accident derailed plans for the next 6 months.
8. What was the best thing you bought?
9. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine when I was on post-car accident Valium. Oh man. From tantrums to grenades, I was unflappable.
10. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Probably the old dude who crashed into me. Thing is, I wasn’t mad at him at all – you know, accidents happen – until I found out he’d sent a letter to the insurer claiming that actually, the accident wasn’t his fault at all (contrary to the police report), but mine because “she was going 80km an hour and look at my track record I have never had an accident”.
Yes. 80km. In a 50 zone. While trying to get my baby to sleep. All of which of course, was based on…nothing.
Needless to say, his letter was totally disregarded.
But he took away my “hey man, I don’t hate on anybody” thang. Which made me appalled and depressed.
11. Where did most of your money go?
Honestly? Medication and doctor’s bills. And Maltesers.
12. What did you get really excited about?
13. What song will always remind you of 2010?
“Raise Your Glass” by Pink. Not sure if it’s cos it’s a stirring anthem or because it’s always on when I go to the gym.
14. Compared to this time last year are you happier or sadder?
A little bit of both.
15. Thinner or Fatter?
Thinner, but this is misleading – it’s really like comparing one elephant to another.
16. Richer or poorer?
Poorer, but this is misleading – it’s really like comparing one un-cashed up elephant to another.
17. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Getting people over to our messy house.
18. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about getting people over to our messy house.
19. How did you spend Christmas?
What? This year? We haven’t had it yet. Last year? I can’t remember. Why are you confusing me?
20. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Yes…with the entire cast of “Gavin and Stacey”.
21. What was your favorite TV program?
Toss-up between “Gavin and Stacey” and “Breaking Bad”.
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope but I’m beginning to feel seriously displeased with Hanna Montana. Or more specifically, the impact she has on my daughter’s daily eye roll quota.
23. What was the best book you read?
Books? What are those? I read most of the Internet.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Mika. (I love this question – it makes me feel like Jay-Z).
25. What did you want and get?
To meet Bill BAILEY!!!!!!
26. What did you want and not get?
For him to pronounce me the Chosen One and file adoption papers.
27. What were your favorite films of this year?
Inception, Inception, Inception. And Megamind.
28. What did you do on your birthday?
My hubby took me on a boat-ride. We have a photo of it, under which I desperately want to scrawl “I’m on a boat!”
29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Neck brace chic.
30. What kept you sane?
Post car crash fallout was beyond awful, so I’d say it comes down to a highly delicate cocktail of loved ones, writing and meds.
31. What celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Animal. Especially after watching this.
32. What political issue stirred you the most?
Oprah’s visit to Australia. If that’s not gonna save the world, then God help us all.
33. Who did you miss?
Canada. All of it.
34. Who was the best new person you met?
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010
Life is nothing if unexpected, for better and for worse.
And when you can’t be bothered feeding your children actual food, you can actually get away with: “have a gumball.”
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“The start was freaking awful
And the end was freaking rad,
I hate Hannah Montana,
But I’m loving Breaking Bad.”
Okay fine, I made that up.
*Moderately whingey blog entry to follow. Enter at your own peril.
I have a confession to make.
I’m finding it hard to get over my ego. It’s big, you see. It trips me up, you see. And it bruises and bleeds so easily one would think it was a member of the early Royal Family. (With me? Ding ding!)
Oh, and it demands massages.
Looking at it on paper like that, one might wonder why I even bother keeping the damn thing around.
Last night, you see, as I was sorting out this Gumball Theatre video business onto youtube, I saw the stats for the vids I’ve already got up there. Stats which, might I add, I never actually check.
But last night, I did. And – while I’d so much rather come on this blog now and type away how completely unaffected was I by the entire encounter, given how freaking cool I am – I have to be honest. I was really disheartened.
And the same’s been going for the good ole blog stats (which I do check a little more regularly – though I’d like to think not obsessively – than youtube).
Don’t get me wrong – I do have a loyal bunch over here. And I LOVE you guys for it, truly, madly, deeply! Passionately, even! With lollypops!
However, it is a small loyal bunch. Which is all well and good, except that I’ve been doing this ole blogging thing for a while now and well…it doesn’t seem like much has really changed.
Don’t get me wrong, this is NOT me trying to berate the people who actually come here for all the people who don’t. Not at all. I’m just trying to share the weirdness I’ve been feeling lately on the whole blog and indeed, career front. Which can really be summed up by this: have I been doing enough? And in what I have been doing, have I been doing it right?
And also – is growth the be all and end all? Cos to this point, I’ve kinda felt like it is. That the mark of a successful show/performer/blog is how many bums on seats – cyber or otherwise – there are.
Perhaps I wouldn’t even bother checking my stats if this were just a personal blog. What I mean is that while things do get personal on Comic Mummy, at the end of the day, this whole thing is meant to be a key part of what I do. It’s part of my career.
Which leaves me with yet another question: if things aren’t actually growing – i.e. if I’m getting the same bums on seats but they’re always the same bums on the same seats (jawsome) but with not many newbies either coming in or sticking around (not so jawsome), then what to do?
I’m thinking the options are something like:
1. Change something. Though, when I have gone all “I’m gonna read about BLOG GROWTH” on my own ass, then started applying it, it’s just felt…well, inauthentic.
2. Remind myself that growth can still be present, even if it’s not in terms of actual numbers. i.e. maybe I’m growing in terms of my writing? Let’s see….OIJjosDIFOJ. Not bad.
3. Decide once and for all why I’m actually doing this. And, more to the point, why I’m doing it if it NEVER EVER EVER grows in reader numbers beyond this point.
In summary, I’m now thinking that I’ve gotta work towards a point where I’m actually living the life that I love – including performing and blogging – so that both fit into my life in an awesome way, regardless of what that translates to in terms of “stats”.
i.e. life first, stats later. Or maybe never.
MIND BLOWING REVELATIONS PEOPLE! And it’s only 9am. Imagine what things will look like around here by 11.14!
Actually, scratch that. There is zero chance any housework will have taken place by then.
Purely based on the stats.
I’ve been slogging my guts out this afternoon – you know, in a very sit down and exert no energy whatsoever kinda way – to put this little thingamijig together.
It ain’t perfect, but I do like it.
THE NEGOTIATIONS: A MESSAGE TRANSCRIPTION
Me: “I have your sunscreen. If you want to see it again, send an unmarked box of fruit’n'nut chocolate to 58 Ticktock Street, Booltchy Town. Umm, I mean to a random drop-off address. Oops.”
Sister: “Meet me at 23:00 at the wharf behind the old abandoned car-park.”
Me: “Okay, but the stakes have upped. Bring Diet Coke.”
So if you’ve been playing along for a while now, you’ll know of my beautiful bestest buddie Frankie.
And if you’ve been playing along for a while now, you’ll also know of our beautiful bestest trip earlier this year to NYC.
And if you’ve been playing along for a while now, you’ll also know of how, on said trip, we made quite the habit of ingesting multiple Hershey bars for breakfast each morning.
Because we could.
So imagine my sheer and utter delight this morning – layered upon the already massive layers of sheer and utter delight resulting from Frankie’s arrival back in Oz (she’s been living in the UK with her gorgeous fam for the past three years) – when she presented me with these.
1. I have officially been redeemed – at least for now – as not COMPLETELY sucking at this mothering thing. My babies won awards! Which you know, of course, is nothing more than an utter reflection on MY awesomeness! Huzzah! I celebrated by coating their respective trophies with tequila and licking it off while humming “We Are the Champions.”
2. I touched a snake. Three different ones, actually. If you know me and how much I am TERRI-FREAKING-HORRIFIED by reptiles (and a little side thanks there to Harry Potter for making things worse), then you will fully implode right about now. Thank you Bunnings Christmas party.
3. I have taken discovered that I am possibly finding too much enjoyment from young children asking me about my new hair. My fave answers so far to the “Why do you have pink hair?” question:
“I ate too many strawberries.”
“What? I have pink hair? AAGH!”
“When your mummy says you’ve had enough ice-cream…LISTEN.”
4. I have bought an all-new and exciting gumball machine!!! Now I just have to work out how to keep the kids’ paws off it before show-time. I guess that was one side-effect of naming the company something that excites children. Hmmmm.
5. I have seen the new Harry Potter movie and loved it. I have also seen the new Megamind movie and loved it. I have also seen the new rain forecasts coinciding with school holidays and…guess.