Goal for 2013: Enjoy It.

I am a (somewhat ashamed) New Year’s Resolution kinda gal. But…this year, I’ve opted out of making any of my traditional ridiculous claims to heights-a-lofty, and instead decided to keep it simple. My goal? To enjoy it.

My scrawlings based on Susannah Conway’s rather rocking (and FREE!) downloadable “Unravelling the Year Ahead” workbook.

A few triggers for this:

1) Earlier this year, I got an email from my literary agent. She commented that I’d been so busy this year and asked a very simple question: “are you enjoying it?” Now, whether or not she meant that to rock my soul, so that I’d think deeply about whether I was in fact, enjoying the ride, or whether she was simply making small talk, we will probably never know – it was, after all, written some months ago, so I doubt she’d remember her original intention even if I questioned her on it, which I wouldn’t, given that I do not wish to annoy her with my overly analytical and self-obsessed ways. YOU, however, person who has actively sought out such punishment…HOLD TIGHT! It made me question myself. Am I enjoying it? Am I? I was unsure of the answer.

2) On my first cruise in November (which I LOVED, by the way, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a total Scrooge Mc-Hate-Life!), I had a moment. There I was, sitting in the most crystal blue water I have ever had the tremendous fortune to set eye on, let alone my swimsuit clad bod in, when I realised to my horror, that despite this moment where I was essentially LIVING INSIDE PINTEREST, I could NOT relax. My mind would not switch off. It just wouldn’t. It’s not that I was wound up, it was merely that state of “rolling through my to-dos, should-dos and what-ifs” like the scrolling flight charts in the world’s busiest airport, showed itself for what it was: my default setting. I was mortified. If I couldn’t relax enough to enjoy paradise, then where and when the hell could I?

The setting in which I realised there is something wrong with my enjoyment-meter.

3) Finally, at Woodford just gone, I realised that something ain’t working in Jenny land. I appreciated the week, I enjoyed myself massively onstage (truly, it seems sad to me that this is the one place I really can relax and have fun, but this said, it causes me tremendous anxiety and physical pain both before and after the show goes on!) and of course, love that my family truly embraces and leaps on the week of festivities with rabid enthusiasm. BUT…again, I don’t think I really enjoyed it. And this is Woodford! If you can’t enjoy Woodford (when the weather is good, of course!) then what can you? I feel like I was so focused on the next gig, the next gig, the next gig, that I couldn’t really just let go and savour the wonders. I was too tense and preoccupied. Mostly with myself. And I hate that. I want to change that. I want to act professionally without taking it all too seriously. I want to appreciate the privilege of being able to perform (I still remind myself before I step onstage sometimes just how damn lucky I am to be alive and walking out there) and indeed, to appreciate and enjoy the tremendous honour of living in a world where I can actually do this for a living. I feel like a spoiled brat even being all “poor me, I don’t truly enjoy my incredibly privileged life!” but therein lies the problem. I KNOW I’m privileged. I KNOW I should be grateful. And I am. I just need to work on how to relax more so that I can appreciate the ride more. Otherwise, really. What is the point in any of this?

Rant over.

I want to change. I want to focus on learning how to relax, stretching every day, treating my body well (thus far I have lost 8kg since I started eating well, so incredibly happy and encouraged by that!), planning more down-time and banning myself from any work-stuff, being more organised in my work-time so that I can be more productive to free up other time, so that I can take the time and effort to really enjoy and savour my family too.

That’s it.

What about you? Are you making any resolutions, complex, simple or somewhere in between?

Celebrating 2 years of my little man who almost wasn’t

Baby on a plane! Nearly!

We nearly didn’t have Cassidy.

Until sometime in early 2008, there I was at the beautiful Banff Centre, where I was lapping up the luxury of my own studio to work solidly on my new show during a residency.

As such, I set myself the task I’d long procrastinated, of finally sorting through the mountains of pages, notes and random napkins on which I’d spilled forth thoughts over the years, to see which might actually survive the cull and make it into the show.

It was during this process that I stumbled across a journal entry I’d written a couple of years prior. It said something along the lines of…

“Tim and I have decided not to have another baby, at least not for a while. The career is going quite well and I really don’t want to disrupt that, plus I feel like life is busy enough so I don’t want to disrupt that either…”

And at that moment it hit me. In the two years since I’d written that, NOTHING HAD CHANGED.

Those were exactly the same reasons I had right then and there, for not wanting another one.

And, I wagered quite confidently, they would remain the same reasons in the years to come.

A little short of a year later, my little dude entered the world.

He immediately set about proving his completely and utter Canadian-ness (the beautiful big land cementing its place in my heart for just one more reason by being the point of my little man’s entry into this world)…by being just so damn nice, sweet and agreeable.

My grandma: “Cassidy?”

Me: “Yep!”

My grandma: “His name’s Cassidy?”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Silence.

My grandma: “Like Hop-along Cassidy?”

Me: “I don’t even know who that is.”

Cut to a year and a bit later and my little dude…

…became Hop-along Cassidy.

WWWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Yes, in the two years since he arrived on planet Comic Family, the Cass-meister has travelled throughout Canada and the States, been in a head-on collision, endured a broken leg, made his on-screen debut and most importantly, has successfully wrapped every single one of us here completely and utterly around his extremely little fingers.

Cass-man, to say I am so glad that we decided to go for number three and have you just doesn’t do justice to the awesomeness you’ve brought into our world.

That said, I will never forgive you for the conundrum you now place me in.

After all, now I know I’ll love number four, five, six…and seventeen.

And I hold you entirely responsible. And so does my uterus.

Happy birthday little man. xxxx

Yes “Mrs Minister”

Image courtesy of Secret Life of a Pastor's Wife

Wow. So coming out of the closet re: the Christian hubby thing was actually quite liberating. Huh.

It almost seems kinda ridiculous really that I even made such a huge deal about it, I mean, come on, it’s not like he killed anybody, represents Amway or snores. Ehem.

Anyhoo, I’ve had so many lovely comments and emails about that post – I’m so sorry I haven’t gotten around to replying to you all yet, I’m afraid that with school holidays creeping up behind me like Hannibal Lector after a fast, it’s been a leeeeeetle bit hectic. But please know that the comments really touched me, surprised me and inspired me: to bring some of this stuff onto the stage. Hmmm, it’s a fine line because I certainly don’t want to bash the crap out of religion (there are plenty of comics doing just fine on that front, plus in many cases, it’s doing quite a good job itself), but rather, I just want to give an honest (and hopefully funny) account of what it’s like to live with somebody who’s quite devoutly religious when you’re not. But honestly, I would simply not have the guts to do that if it hadn’t been for the kind words from you guys, atheists, agnostics and Christians alike. So freaking cool!

Just wanted to make mention in particular of a woman who’s apparently been a regular reader of the CM blog for some time, who emailed me to let me know that she is married to a Uniting Church minister while she herself is not a Christian! Wow. She mentioned that as she’d been performing in the music scene for a while, it came as quite a shock to many of her friends when she suddenly became, in her words, “Mrs Minister”! (LOVE that wording, haha!)

Which brings me back to the whole TV idea.

As I said last time, while I think it would make a pretty fun idea for a reality TV series, I have ZERO interest in doing that. Or any reality TV series for that matter. Ever. This hasn’t always been the case, mind you – namely because early on I was just so freaking desperate gung-ho on getting exposure of any sort that I would have happily appeared in anything I could get. Please, take me. Do what you want with me. Please hold me. But now I’m a bit older and dare I say, wiser less channelling Pollyanna, I no longer think that all exposure is good exposure, and am now focused on only going for the kind of exposure I would actually want.

So reality TV = no.

Sit-com = yah-hah.